Hey Lexi! Here,
So, in the last post we discussed ways to help you Find Your New Normal. This week I want to talk about how to get back to having some normalcy in your relationship with your Partner.
What’s Our New Relationship Normal?
When you’re a brand-new mommy, and you have all these new responsibilities to adjust to it is so easy to lose track of anything else. This can include your own self-care, previous responsibilities, and your relationship with your partner. Both you and your partner can get so busy parenting that you lose touch and feel like two ships passing in the night.
It was especially hard for me when my husband went back to work. His job is so physically demanding that when he got home it felt like he only had time for our daughter and sleep. I was almost jealous of my daughter, as it seemed he was spending more time making goo-goo eyes at her, and I wanted him to make goo-goo eyes at me! ☹ Here is what I did to overcome this and help us re-gain the intimacy and closeness in our relationship.
Keep Lines of Communication Open
Give yourselves space and grace to grow into your new roles as parents, and keep your communications open and honest. Talk about how you want your family to grow and develop. Dream together about what you want to do together as a family. What memories do you want to give your child(ren)? What traditions do you want to pass down from each of your families? Also look at what the two of you want to do to create new traditions just for your new little family.
Be sure you’re both on the same page when major decisions come up. For us we have a rule in our house that unless we’re both comfortable with something, we don’t do it. It’s nice to get other’s input from time to time, but the bottom line is now YOU’RE the parent. Ultimately YOU will be making the decisions on how you want to raise your little one.
Implement a Date Night
I am a firm believer in having a regularly scheduled date night, and for us that’s once a week. I know this sounds like a lot, at first my husband thought it a bit excessive too, but I’ll explain. What I mean by “Date Night” is that you have some time set aside to spend ALONE once a week. Use this time to reconnect and have some face time and conversation about things other than your jobs, and your child(ren).
This doesn’t have to mean that you go out every weekend and spend a lot of money. In fact, in the beginning with your new baby you won’t really be leaving the house other than essential trips. For us, in the beginning we would consider any time we spent together while our daughter was sleeping, a date. That consisted mostly of sitting on the couch holding hands, cuddling, or napping. If we had family with us we could sneak away for a quick walk, or to go get an ice cream. 🙂 Now that our daughter is getting older, it’s easier to have one night where we go out and have fun. Otherwise we typically stay home and get creative on things we can do together that aren’t just regular everyday things.
How to Plan Your Date Nights
A good resource I found is the REDBOOK’s 500 Great Dates-Creative Fun and Sexy Ways to Spend Time Together. Check it out here! I took one of their suggestions to create a pull jar of date night ideas. Sit down together with your spouse and come up with all the date night ideas you can. Then write them on strips of paper and find whatever containers you have on hand (for us it’s a coffee can). Put the strips of paper inside, and voila! You have your own date night in a jar! 😉 Then you can pull one out anytime you are in need of a new idea!
If you enjoy planning, you can pull them ahead of time and then schedule them together. I like this way as some dates you need to plan for, i.e. get a sitter or set aside money. What it boils down to is finding what works for your relationship. The important thing is to have time alone together just to touch base and remember why you like each other. 😉
For the Guys
I know I just got all the men’s attention, but this means more than just Sex. It’s important to regain your sex life after having a baby, but for us mama’s that’s the last thing on our minds. (After all isn’t that how we got here in the first place?? 😉) Let me talk to the men just a minute then I’ll come back to you ladies. Men, if you want your wife to want to have sex again in this lifetime, PLEASE take it slow. I know that’s hard for you as this is a very real and important need in your life. However as a new mom your wife already has so many new things on her mind, not to mention sleep deprivation. A good tip is to give her a foot rub and a nap, that’s like a million brownie points!!! She will think you’re the most amazing man, and she’ll be more open to meeting some of your needs in return.
For the Ladies
Ladies, I know you’re tired, you’re body is hurting, and your head is probably still spinning with information overload. All you want to do is get a couple of hours of consecutive sleep in a row! However, it’s very important to show your husband you remember that you love him, and that you are still his wife. You don’t (and shouldn’t for the first 6 weeks, or until cleared by your Dr.) need to immediately return to intercourse to make your man happy.
As a new dad he’s probably also tired, overwhelmed, and feeling the new weight of being a provider for your newest addition. He would probably also appreciate a shoulder or foot rub, a hot shower (with you! <3 ) and some good old fashioned cuddling! Touch is so important, and it doesn’t always have to be sexual. Sometimes just affectionate touch can do more to strengthen your relationship at this point. To be completely transparent, I felt like our sex life improved after we had a baby. We had to be a lot more spontaneous and creative about the whole process!
Get creative here, you can find plenty of things to do together that will stimulate Intimacy. This includes steps 1 & 2 above. These aspects of Intimacy , communication, and romance, make the physical aspect of Intimacy easier to achieve. Remind each other that the most important relationship the two of you have is, EACH OTHER! One last point to ponder mamas, your child(ren) are very, very important, and I don’t want you to think I’m suggesting otherwise. However, God gave us children only for a certain number of years, our marriage is for Life! Let’s prioritize our relationships so we can give each one the proper amount of love and attention it deserves.
I hope this was as helpful for you and your partner as it was for me and my husband!
Until next time, TTFN-Ta-ta-for-now!
Hey Lexi! Signing Off.
If you enjoyed this post, please share this with your friends, and don’t forget to leave your questions in the comment section below! I am here for you, let me know your pain points, what are you struggling with? Together we can find a solution and encourage one another!